This is the top ten from Monday's Late Show with David Letterman
Top Ten Signs A Baseball Player Is Cheating
10. Tested positive for uranium
9. Always asking fans for clean urine
8. After each win, receives congratulatory phone call from Balco founder Victor Conte
7. Name on back of his uniform is "Bonds"
6. You can find him in the club house corking himself
5. Distracts opponents by throwing out the frozen head of Ted Williams
4. Somehow got 3 RBI's during the seventh-inning stretch
3. You haven't seen someone with that much Vaseline on them since the last Paris Hilton video
2. Pete Rose called him a disgrace to the game
1. His nickname is "Needle @$$"